Age that I wish to go back to

I haven't posted some topics on my blog recently. I am kinda busy..I guess. Well, having no internet connection in our boarding house is really a disadvantage.
When I checked my blog, I found out that I had 2 comments. I read it. It was from Trisna (I knew her in BlogCatalog). I have been tagged. She told me that she will wait for my entry.

Trisna's age that she wants to go back to

So..Trisna..Here is the entry you've been waiting for..hehehe

Title: Age That I Wish To Go Back To
Requirement: Write about the one age that you wish to go back to and why?
Tag Mode: 2 bloggers
1st- You leave their blog and post link and add to the list below.
2nd- Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

Age That I want to go back to:
I am not the type of a person who finds trouble. I never had a real fight before and until now. I am the angel-type (well, not really an angel but I'm not the devil-type) of a person. I think so.
But when I was 13 yrs. old, something happened. It was in my 2nd year in high school.

I had this gay friend. We shared a great bond together but then because of me, that bond disappeared. I found out that he's happy with her new friends and I did not like it. I don't want to say this but I was jealous. Yeah, right.. I was jealous. He spent more time with them than me and he's other old friends. Because of that, I ignored him. He kept on asking me why I acted like that but I did not say anything. (I'm that kind of a person. If I am disappointed and angry about someone, I tend to ignore that someone. Yeah, I know, it's not the proper way but that's the way I handle that kind of a situation.)After that incident, the gap between us grew deeper. I couldn't act the way I acted before. I couldn't talk to him. Everything changed between us and I regret it. If I only swallowed my pride, if only I did not ignore him, he could have been my friend until now. I couldn't forget about it because it was the time that I lost someone because of my own stupidity. I still carry the feeling of regret until now. If only I can go back to the past but I just can't. That's the price that I have to pay.
He was my friend and I am happy to have him in my life. (Enough of the drama! But still somehow my heart is aching..hehehe)


I want to tag my 2 friends, Reich,Pipan.

Discussion

I don't usually have a conversation with other people. I can only have personal discussions with my family and friends. I can't talk properly in front of a stranger or someone I know that I don't usually communicate with. I can't even answer simple questions like "What time is it?", "where is this particular place?", etc. when a stranger asks me. I sometimes become speechless. One of the reasons why I can't talk is because of the language itself. It's not because I don't know how to speak english. It is just that I am intimidated by people who speak good english. It is because I think I am in the lower hand of power differential. I think I am inferior than others. It is because someone speaks english fluently and I am not. It is also because I think someone is better than me that is why sometimes I tend to say "ok" even if it's not.
I used to write my personal feelings about anything in papers and hide them because I don't want other people to read it. I find it too personal. But I just realized that I can write online about anything when I was first introduced about blogging. I have my reasons why I blog. I was told that I can earn money just by writing. I liked it. But even before I was told about it I had already in mind to create a blog but I just couldn't have one. And then my friends started making blogs. I think everyone of us wants money. So I created a blog hoping that I can benefit from it. And then I registered. Unfortunately, I was rejected for so many times.They told me that I did not have the minimum requirements so I was automatically rejected. It was really a sad thing to be rejected but it's natural and I can't avoid rejection. And then,I saw one of the messages in my yahoo mail that included blogcatalog. So I clicked it and found out that I can join discussions. I first replied one of the dicussions as a guest. Then, I registered and I was approved . Eventually, I have become a blogcatalog member. I also found out that I can make my own discussion so I made one. Unluckily, noone replied. I admit that it was terrible. But then I started making another discussion again. Well, this time,people replied. I got overwhelmed because other people seem to have interests in my discussion. I feel happy when I tend to refresh my account in blogcatalog knowing that someone has replied. And I like it when I communicate with other people and exchange comments.I have posted 5 discussions already.It is not that I am paid to advertise blogcatalog. It is just that I love it.I even become addicted to it. It's like every night I go to an internet cafe because I don't have an internet connection in our boarding house. I like discussions in a form of writing.
Someone told me that it was nonsense. I told her that it wasn't. Friendster is nonsense than blogging because in blogging you can enhance your writing skills and your thinking. Because YOU THINK everytime you join in a discussion.You can enhance your brain.
Joining blogcatalog is not my excuse because I was rejected. I willingly offered myself in BC.

I can't talk the usual way I do in front of other people but I can communicate with them through writing. I am not a good writer but I think I am better in writing than verbal way of expressing my thoughts. That is one of my weaknesses. I'm not a good talker.