Fear...

I am 20 years old already and I'm not getting younger. But inspite of becoming a young adult,I still cannot consider myself as one. I admit that my level of maturity isn't that of an ideal 20-year-old person. I act like a child. I don't think as much as an adult would think.I cannot deny that I am still immature. I am still a student. As for now, I only think about going to class even without listening to my teachers sometimes, watch movies and anime and going to the mall sometimes.I am still inside the box where the real life scenario happens outside of it.There was a time in my life that I tried to imagine what my future will be and what I will become. I try to question myself about some things like "Can I find a job easily after I graduate? I am becoming old. I can't live alone. How can I apply? How can I manage my life on my own"? There are so many questions in my mind which I have a hard time formulating them. I just cannot give answers easily because I still have to consider the possibilities that might happen. As I think about it, fear strikes me. What if I can't do it? What if I can't find a nice job?Well, having a work is what comes to my mind first after I graduate.I guess most of us think about it.

I'm really afraid to grow up. It's not that I don't want to mature. I just think that being in the real world is so scary. And I think I am not yet prepared for that matter. However, sooner or later I will open that door even if I don't like it. Being an adult doesn't give me another choice.