How I view someone?

It can affect the way I view someone when I know something about him/her that I have never known before. I can't stop thinking about that particular discovery. I am starting to dislike him/her even though I haven't proved it yet. Even the stories of others about someone bother me especially if I do not expect that someone to be what others are telling me about him/her.I tend not to open it up to some other people but something inside me wants to unleash that discovery. Sometimes I am tempted to reveal it but then I am starting to argue with myself and in the end I still keep it inside my mind. I have been in that situation where I want to share something for so many times already. Sometimes, due to eagerness to tell it, I tend to reveal it. But most of the time I prefer to hide it. I just cannot share it to some people since the ones involved are friends of mine. They might get hurt or other will dislike them and I don't like it because that's not the basis for saying that someone is bad. It is because of the situation and not because of them. It's not alright and I can't really argue with myself about that particular issue because I think that it's not really acceptable. So what I do is that I tend to ignore it. But the problem is that this particular feeling will arise again because I do not try to resolve that awkward feeling that I have. I will think about it all over again and it will haunt me.
But it depends on the people being talked about. If someone is close to me or not, the way I manage on how I view them would also matter.

I enjoyed it

Too many things happened last week. I and my two cousins had fun. We watched a movie. It was my second time to watch that movie to accompany my cousins. That was the only movie that was okay. We took so much time just to find a place to eat. We only walked. My God! I was so tired. And then my boardmate texted me. My boardmates wanted to have some fun. I wanted to have some fun too so we went to them. We did not go home. I was ashamed of my clothes because some people who went there were so presentable. I did not say that I wasn't presentable but I just went there wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I only wore slippers. I felt like a maid. But it did not hinder me at all. We danced and danced but then it was not enough since I wanted to dance more. I am not a dancer. LoL! I just wanted to dance. There were too many people since our city was having a fiesta. We went home at 4:30 in the morning. And at almost 8:00 I went to school since we were having an immersion. I was like a zombie. I was so sleepy. (I guess this is the price that I have to pay). But I enjoyed it.

Should I or should I not?

We like to help someone or some people who need help, right? But do we think that we can really help them or we will just make the situation even worst?

Something happened to me and to my friends. Like what I wanted to do, two of them also wanted to help. So ,they did their thing. Since I also wanted to help them, I did help them but it seemed that I made the situation worst and I needed someone to help me also. I was scared. I bet the four of us were really scared about what happened. Thank God someone helped us and we were saved.
It was a bad experience and because of that experience I just realized something. If I don't have an assurance that I can help someone and the risk is too high, maybe I will not help anymore because I'm afraid that I will only worsen the situation. If it's a matter of life and death already, I think I will find someone who can really help. That was my realization right after the incident. I somehow felt guilty because I contributed something bad which I did not mean to do. But I also have another realization, I can't say that I will not help anymore because it's like a part of my system already that I must help someone who needs help. I still don't know what would I do if something like this might happen again. Should I help or should I not? My conscience is telling me to do the right thing which is to help but then when I help and I make the situation worst, my conscience is also haunting me. It's not my mission to make things worst. It's my goal to help.
Well, I guess we can't just control everything. There are some things that are not within our grasps anymore. There are things that are beyond our limitations already and whatever we do we just can't make it right.
Well, I'm sorry guys.

Motivation?

Insults can become as our motivation. Yes, for some people but for others it may not be applicable. I will use myself as an example of someone who doesn't find insults as a motivation. I don't like insults. Well, everyone of us hates that but some people can manage insults properly and insults serve as a driving force that could encourage some people to accept any challenges that would come into their lives. But in my case, I see them as the opposite. I don't care if you don't appreciate my effort as long as you will not insult me. I don't care if you won't notice me as long as I am not affected by your insult. It's because I don't perform as what someone is expecting from me doesn't mean I am not really capable of doing something. Maybe because their standards are too high to be reached.
I know I can't blame them. I just cannot tell someone to change the way they work things out. I mean that's the way they do it. Well, that's the reality that I have to accept. Maybe the people who use insults as a motivation have a good motive. Maybe that's the way they want to discipline people but still it's not okay for me. I still want someone to encourage me to improve whatever I have to improve without insulting me. Just tell me what to improve and I will do my part well.

SWAT

I have been addicted to SWAT ever since I have found out about that game. I used to go to a specific internet cafe because this is the only net cafe who has this particular game. When I first played SWAT, I used "cracker" as my username. Cracker because in our dialect, the root name which is crack is "liki", it means there's a crack. I have a crack in my mind, not the head. LoL! I think about some crazy ideas and sometimes I act like a crazy person. Two of my boardmates (since I am staying at the boarding house) call me "liki". After that, I have been using "jet" as my username. That is my nickname. At first, I was hesitant because I don't want to spread my nickname (As if I am the only one who has that name). And then I realized no one knows me so it doesn't matter if I put my name on it. When I first played SWAT I did not know how to reload bullets or open a door but I managed to know them (I pressed everything in the keyboard just to find out about it.hehehe). I don't usually join to a specific server. I am joining in whatever server that I feel like okay. It was only twice that the administrator forced me not to use any guns. It was because of my own stupidity. I immediately killed the VIP so the round would end immediately. I felt guilty and ashamed because I was the reason why the round must have to end. I was also forced not to use any equipments because they told me that I am camping. I have been playing SWAT for quite a long time and yet I still don't know what CAMPING means.hehehe... And I forgot how to open a door. I never arrested anyone. I am such an amateur. The only goal I have is to kill as many as I can without even thinking that there are some concerns like VIP in the SWAT team must not be killed before the specified time and some servers do not allow camping. I hate when I encountered a teammate who kills and arrests his/her own teammates. It is really irritating especially if someone uses a smoke grenade and all I see is white.
I just told my niece that I will play tonight and she told me that I am crazy.hehehe.. It's ok. I like this game.
But unluckily I can't find SWAT anymore. OH MY GOD! Is this the end of my happiness? Oh! I pity myself. hehehe... Can I play SWAT again? I don't know. All I know is that I like this game.