Born an artist - Reina del Cid

I searched the net and I opened youtube. I don't know why but I just clicked the link "Come Back Over (original song) " in which there is someone wearing a blue shirt. At first I did not know if that someone was a girl or a boy. When I finally uploaded the video, I found out that it is a girl. I already loved her song when I heard it for the first time. She can sing and she can play a guitar and she can create good songs. I like everything, the rhythm, the lyrics, her voice and the way she delivers the song. Before, I had a hard time looking for the lyrics of her songs but now it's so easy to find them.
Come Back Over was the first of her original songs that I listened to. Then I listened to her songs "Chance(original song) and Chance(original song) live". They are all great. She's wonderful in "Wonder" and "New Girlfriend" too. Her videos are simple. It's only her and her blue guitar. But the way she sings, it is different. Her songs are addictive.She has feelings when she sings.
She doesn't look like 20. She looks younger than twenty.
By the way, her name in youtube is "Reina Del Cid". I don't know if that's her real name but that's the name she's carrying.
Why don't you check her out in youtube. Trust me. It's worth it.

I checked her on youtube recently and I found "poetic genius". It's one of her original songs and the lyrics are great, as usual.

I watched Comedic Interview with Charlotte and I found out that she's 5'9 (not obvious). She has a baby face.

Is that love or stupidity?

I know that I have no right to interfere with someone when it is personal. But can I just ignore someone crying inside our room? I know that I am insensitive sometimes but knowing the reason why that someone is crying is somewhat a different story. I know that it's her personal life, or let me make it more specific, it is about her love life. Maybe I don't understand why she keeps on believing that everything will be going just fine. Based on my knowledge about what happened, I can say that it was not okay. I'm sorry to say but I really don't like someone who is unfaithful. I don't know what exactly happened. All I know is that I don't like what I heard about what he did. Maybe I am just angry because someone who is a part of my life got hurt because of him.
I asked her if she still loves him and she answered me "Is that a question?". So I presumed that she still loves that guy. She also told me that it's not easy to let go of someone who is special even if that someone caused so much pain to her. Is that what you call love? Or is it what you call a mere stupidity? Will you stay for someone who does not deserve you? Will you stick to someone who just found someone else to fling with?
Maybe I just don't understand people who keep on hoping for another chance because I haven't experienced it but I think everything has a limitation. I don't think people will destroy their lives because of their lovers/ex. There are other relevant things to think about.

How I view someone?

It can affect the way I view someone when I know something about him/her that I have never known before. I can't stop thinking about that particular discovery. I am starting to dislike him/her even though I haven't proved it yet. Even the stories of others about someone bother me especially if I do not expect that someone to be what others are telling me about him/her.I tend not to open it up to some other people but something inside me wants to unleash that discovery. Sometimes I am tempted to reveal it but then I am starting to argue with myself and in the end I still keep it inside my mind. I have been in that situation where I want to share something for so many times already. Sometimes, due to eagerness to tell it, I tend to reveal it. But most of the time I prefer to hide it. I just cannot share it to some people since the ones involved are friends of mine. They might get hurt or other will dislike them and I don't like it because that's not the basis for saying that someone is bad. It is because of the situation and not because of them. It's not alright and I can't really argue with myself about that particular issue because I think that it's not really acceptable. So what I do is that I tend to ignore it. But the problem is that this particular feeling will arise again because I do not try to resolve that awkward feeling that I have. I will think about it all over again and it will haunt me.
But it depends on the people being talked about. If someone is close to me or not, the way I manage on how I view them would also matter.

I enjoyed it

Too many things happened last week. I and my two cousins had fun. We watched a movie. It was my second time to watch that movie to accompany my cousins. That was the only movie that was okay. We took so much time just to find a place to eat. We only walked. My God! I was so tired. And then my boardmate texted me. My boardmates wanted to have some fun. I wanted to have some fun too so we went to them. We did not go home. I was ashamed of my clothes because some people who went there were so presentable. I did not say that I wasn't presentable but I just went there wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I only wore slippers. I felt like a maid. But it did not hinder me at all. We danced and danced but then it was not enough since I wanted to dance more. I am not a dancer. LoL! I just wanted to dance. There were too many people since our city was having a fiesta. We went home at 4:30 in the morning. And at almost 8:00 I went to school since we were having an immersion. I was like a zombie. I was so sleepy. (I guess this is the price that I have to pay). But I enjoyed it.

Should I or should I not?

We like to help someone or some people who need help, right? But do we think that we can really help them or we will just make the situation even worst?

Something happened to me and to my friends. Like what I wanted to do, two of them also wanted to help. So ,they did their thing. Since I also wanted to help them, I did help them but it seemed that I made the situation worst and I needed someone to help me also. I was scared. I bet the four of us were really scared about what happened. Thank God someone helped us and we were saved.
It was a bad experience and because of that experience I just realized something. If I don't have an assurance that I can help someone and the risk is too high, maybe I will not help anymore because I'm afraid that I will only worsen the situation. If it's a matter of life and death already, I think I will find someone who can really help. That was my realization right after the incident. I somehow felt guilty because I contributed something bad which I did not mean to do. But I also have another realization, I can't say that I will not help anymore because it's like a part of my system already that I must help someone who needs help. I still don't know what would I do if something like this might happen again. Should I help or should I not? My conscience is telling me to do the right thing which is to help but then when I help and I make the situation worst, my conscience is also haunting me. It's not my mission to make things worst. It's my goal to help.
Well, I guess we can't just control everything. There are some things that are not within our grasps anymore. There are things that are beyond our limitations already and whatever we do we just can't make it right.
Well, I'm sorry guys.

Motivation?

Insults can become as our motivation. Yes, for some people but for others it may not be applicable. I will use myself as an example of someone who doesn't find insults as a motivation. I don't like insults. Well, everyone of us hates that but some people can manage insults properly and insults serve as a driving force that could encourage some people to accept any challenges that would come into their lives. But in my case, I see them as the opposite. I don't care if you don't appreciate my effort as long as you will not insult me. I don't care if you won't notice me as long as I am not affected by your insult. It's because I don't perform as what someone is expecting from me doesn't mean I am not really capable of doing something. Maybe because their standards are too high to be reached.
I know I can't blame them. I just cannot tell someone to change the way they work things out. I mean that's the way they do it. Well, that's the reality that I have to accept. Maybe the people who use insults as a motivation have a good motive. Maybe that's the way they want to discipline people but still it's not okay for me. I still want someone to encourage me to improve whatever I have to improve without insulting me. Just tell me what to improve and I will do my part well.

SWAT

I have been addicted to SWAT ever since I have found out about that game. I used to go to a specific internet cafe because this is the only net cafe who has this particular game. When I first played SWAT, I used "cracker" as my username. Cracker because in our dialect, the root name which is crack is "liki", it means there's a crack. I have a crack in my mind, not the head. LoL! I think about some crazy ideas and sometimes I act like a crazy person. Two of my boardmates (since I am staying at the boarding house) call me "liki". After that, I have been using "jet" as my username. That is my nickname. At first, I was hesitant because I don't want to spread my nickname (As if I am the only one who has that name). And then I realized no one knows me so it doesn't matter if I put my name on it. When I first played SWAT I did not know how to reload bullets or open a door but I managed to know them (I pressed everything in the keyboard just to find out about it.hehehe). I don't usually join to a specific server. I am joining in whatever server that I feel like okay. It was only twice that the administrator forced me not to use any guns. It was because of my own stupidity. I immediately killed the VIP so the round would end immediately. I felt guilty and ashamed because I was the reason why the round must have to end. I was also forced not to use any equipments because they told me that I am camping. I have been playing SWAT for quite a long time and yet I still don't know what CAMPING means.hehehe... And I forgot how to open a door. I never arrested anyone. I am such an amateur. The only goal I have is to kill as many as I can without even thinking that there are some concerns like VIP in the SWAT team must not be killed before the specified time and some servers do not allow camping. I hate when I encountered a teammate who kills and arrests his/her own teammates. It is really irritating especially if someone uses a smoke grenade and all I see is white.
I just told my niece that I will play tonight and she told me that I am crazy.hehehe.. It's ok. I like this game.
But unluckily I can't find SWAT anymore. OH MY GOD! Is this the end of my happiness? Oh! I pity myself. hehehe... Can I play SWAT again? I don't know. All I know is that I like this game.

First day of the OJT

We are having an OJT this semester and we have to go to a certain company to have the training. I and my partner Paula was supposed to start last monday but the officer-in-charge went somewhere and he wasn't able to accommodate us so he told us to start today. We were hesitant at first because we did not know what to do when we went there. It took a couple of minutes before sir Jonathan (team leader) accommodated us. We talked about some things like "getting to know him things", like he took up engineering course when he was still in college and then later he took up computer science and then later he decided to take up Commerce. I even made a joke that he know so many things already because he took up so many courses. And then the three of us laughed. After the getting-to-know thing he told us what we want to work about. I and Paula just stared to each other, smiled, laughed a little, and then we told him anything will do. He asked us if we know how to format a pc or install an operating system but I and Paula told him that we don't know. So he told us to dismantle the parts of the system unit instead. I was excited because that would be my first time to do that. At first, I and my partner was a little bit clueless on how to dismantle the parts but then, thank GOD, we managed to do it. Paula even wrote some things just to remember them. After that, we were told to reassemble the parts and we did it. We did not finish checking if it would work because he was so busy. So we would continue it next meeting and that would be on friday.
Well, I think not all first times are bad. It turned out okay. I hope it will be okay always. Well, God Bless to us all.

Age that I wish to go back to

I haven't posted some topics on my blog recently. I am kinda busy..I guess. Well, having no internet connection in our boarding house is really a disadvantage.
When I checked my blog, I found out that I had 2 comments. I read it. It was from Trisna (I knew her in BlogCatalog). I have been tagged. She told me that she will wait for my entry.

Trisna's age that she wants to go back to

So..Trisna..Here is the entry you've been waiting for..hehehe

Title: Age That I Wish To Go Back To
Requirement: Write about the one age that you wish to go back to and why?
Tag Mode: 2 bloggers
1st- You leave their blog and post link and add to the list below.
2nd- Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

Age That I want to go back to:
I am not the type of a person who finds trouble. I never had a real fight before and until now. I am the angel-type (well, not really an angel but I'm not the devil-type) of a person. I think so.
But when I was 13 yrs. old, something happened. It was in my 2nd year in high school.

I had this gay friend. We shared a great bond together but then because of me, that bond disappeared. I found out that he's happy with her new friends and I did not like it. I don't want to say this but I was jealous. Yeah, right.. I was jealous. He spent more time with them than me and he's other old friends. Because of that, I ignored him. He kept on asking me why I acted like that but I did not say anything. (I'm that kind of a person. If I am disappointed and angry about someone, I tend to ignore that someone. Yeah, I know, it's not the proper way but that's the way I handle that kind of a situation.)After that incident, the gap between us grew deeper. I couldn't act the way I acted before. I couldn't talk to him. Everything changed between us and I regret it. If I only swallowed my pride, if only I did not ignore him, he could have been my friend until now. I couldn't forget about it because it was the time that I lost someone because of my own stupidity. I still carry the feeling of regret until now. If only I can go back to the past but I just can't. That's the price that I have to pay.
He was my friend and I am happy to have him in my life. (Enough of the drama! But still somehow my heart is aching..hehehe)


I want to tag my 2 friends, Reich,Pipan.

Starts tomorrow

Class starts tomorrow. Again! Well, I think I have to stop denying the fact the summer is officially over. I can't wake up very late in the morning anymore. I can't watch movies whenever I want. Too bad for me. Well, too bad for all the students. This is the kind of life we have. I guess we just have to live with it. Having this kind of life is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I will have my allowance and I also have other reasons why. I think you all know how to be in school people. Most of the time it's a curse. hehehe..Well, to all my classmates, see you tomorrow!

That's All

I woke up when I heard my father opened the room and he called me. My father said that I would eat my breakfast already because my mom wanted to tell us something. I heard my mom shouting when she called my older sister to wake up. My mom has an irritating voice when she shouts. And I am afraid everytime she does it. So I woke up and went downstairs. It was obvious that my sister was irritated. But she still went downstairs. My mom talked. She was just talking about me accompanying my sister to the place where she studies because she is alone. And then my sister told my mom that she will go to that place on Sunday because one of her boardmates will arrive on Saturday so that she won't be alone anymore. And then my mom agreed and told us "that's all I want to say, you can sleep now."
It was seven in the morning when our parents called us just to say this thing. I thought it was more serious but I was wrong. They can tell us about this matter this night. Why wake us up?

So the end of the story is that I and my sister sleep again.

Something about Psychology

Defense mechanisms, what are those things? Denial is the famous defense mechanism I have known because I was first introduced by it even before I have taken psychology class. I used to say it and my sister too. Well, of course, she’s a psychology student. That is her line. Denial, by the way, as what our teacher in psychology taught us, is the total negation of reality. Other defense mechanisms include rationalization, repression, suppression, regression, fixation, identification, compartmentalization, displacement, sublimation and introjection. What are these things? Try to take this course and it will really suit your interest and you will understand these things. I and my friends used to relate with these things even in jokes. Maybe that is a sign of liking this course. For me, I really love psychology. It is interesting since I get to know personalities of people. I love listening to my teacher despite of being so fast. Sometimes I can’t cope with him. He is undoubtedly fast. But our teacher is intelligent. No doubt he is good in discussions. The only problem is that he doesn’t know how to manage his time. He is a latecomer. He gives us a make up class and he let us wait for hours and will text our beadle beyond the time to say that we will not having a class. Maybe his busy but still it is not an excuse. It is really irritating. But there is something in him that I like. I really admire my teacher for being so intelligent. I feel like I am intellectually infatuated with him. I hope the good thing about him will manipulate and eat the bad thing so that I will not completely learn to hate him. I am actually in between and I am trying to balance them.
My sister seems to use psychology concepts in me and on other people. She tries to psychoanalyze people. I even told her that she was really committed with her field of study and she was like inside the box where nothing is there aside from the theories of personalities. It was so annoying because she intends to insist what she knew. Well, I just realized that it wasn’t her fault why she’s acting that way. I am not a major in psychology but I am like addicted to the concepts. I know why she seems to behave that way. It is so addictive that sometimes it is hard to resist. But sometimes I think it is too much already. I cannot handle it anymore.

What can pictures do to me?

I love watching pictures of myself together with the people whom I share my life with. I can see smiley faces which are so good to look at as if nothing matters expect being happy. Others don’t care about how they look and try to make some very funny faces. I’m actually one of them. Some are acting like gods and goddesses as if they are the most beautiful persons on earth. They pose like professional models. Every time the camera turns on, everyone does their own thing and project whatever they want. Despite of being so tired, the people can somehow make it up just to look good in front of the camera. We seem to be enjoying a particular moment in our lives. A moment that we will cherish for the rest of our remaining lives here on earth.

But sometimes pictures are not good to look at, not because it is literally ugly but because these pictures tend to remind me of something in the past which I want to forget about. The people in the picture seem to be so happy without them knowing that someone out there is still hurting. It is just sad to know that I am not yet over with it.
I don’t actually remember dates, sometimes names because of lack of communication and even some events that is why I am still thankful because I can somehow reminisce my past as I watch the pictures.
I cannot actually blame the pictures. Stupid me if I would do that thing. It is the part of my experience that makes it good or bad. Indeed, it is. But I cannot change the fact that a picture is a gateway for my memories to be remembered again and again.
Funny how a little picture can give a huge impact in my life. Maybe it is not about how tiny or how big a thing is, it is how a thing affects me that matters.

Note: I just saw a picture of my friends and I remembered what happened in the past. Still it hurts.

I can't

Why is it for some people it's hard to say I Love You? Like me. I can't say I love you to my family and to my friends. It's not because I don't love them. I just can't say those words to anyone. Maybe because I am not used to it. I'm not a type of person who is vocal. I usually don't show my feelings to anyone. I hide it in my heart. I'm a secretive person. I think that it is such a shame to say those words. I also think that those words are not just ordinary words and I just can't say it to anyone. I feel like "I Love You" is such a powerful statement that I cannot just take for granted. Even though other people will say "I Love You" to me, I cannot reply.

I am hoping that I can become vocal even a little. Just a little will do. hehehe.

I can't even greet my mother a happy mother's day in person. I can't even thank my parents. I can't even write "I Love you" in a letter.
What is my problem? Is there anything wrong about me? I wish I can show my feelings properly.

Confirmation

I just had my confirmation this morning together with my two sisters and three cousins. I know it was humiliating since I am like too old to have this. And you know what's more humiliating to me? I wore a skirt. I am not used to wear skirt so it is kind of a strange or weird. When I asked my older sister if I can wear pants, she just told me that it was a requirement. So, I had no choice. I got shocked when we went to the church because there were so many people. Of course, I know it is just normal since it is a public place. But this day is different. They are having their fiesta so there were more people attending the mass. And when I saw the people, they were just wearing ordinary clothes. They were wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I felt so mad because it was okay to wear ordinary clothes. And I was there wearing a skirt. We attended the mass before we had our confirmation. I even said bad words because the priest had a very long sermon and I was like dying of shyness. People were like looking at us because of our dresses. Maybe I was just being paranoid. I felt really uncomfortable. I always fixed my skirt and my blouse. My younger sister even told me to shut up and she told me that I was so conscious. Yes, It was true. But no one can blame me. It is just I am not comfortable wearing those kind of clothes.
It turned out good. We took pictures. I felt somehow happy because I wore that thing in public.

Discussion

I don't usually have a conversation with other people. I can only have personal discussions with my family and friends. I can't talk properly in front of a stranger or someone I know that I don't usually communicate with. I can't even answer simple questions like "What time is it?", "where is this particular place?", etc. when a stranger asks me. I sometimes become speechless. One of the reasons why I can't talk is because of the language itself. It's not because I don't know how to speak english. It is just that I am intimidated by people who speak good english. It is because I think I am in the lower hand of power differential. I think I am inferior than others. It is because someone speaks english fluently and I am not. It is also because I think someone is better than me that is why sometimes I tend to say "ok" even if it's not.
I used to write my personal feelings about anything in papers and hide them because I don't want other people to read it. I find it too personal. But I just realized that I can write online about anything when I was first introduced about blogging. I have my reasons why I blog. I was told that I can earn money just by writing. I liked it. But even before I was told about it I had already in mind to create a blog but I just couldn't have one. And then my friends started making blogs. I think everyone of us wants money. So I created a blog hoping that I can benefit from it. And then I registered. Unfortunately, I was rejected for so many times.They told me that I did not have the minimum requirements so I was automatically rejected. It was really a sad thing to be rejected but it's natural and I can't avoid rejection. And then,I saw one of the messages in my yahoo mail that included blogcatalog. So I clicked it and found out that I can join discussions. I first replied one of the dicussions as a guest. Then, I registered and I was approved . Eventually, I have become a blogcatalog member. I also found out that I can make my own discussion so I made one. Unluckily, noone replied. I admit that it was terrible. But then I started making another discussion again. Well, this time,people replied. I got overwhelmed because other people seem to have interests in my discussion. I feel happy when I tend to refresh my account in blogcatalog knowing that someone has replied. And I like it when I communicate with other people and exchange comments.I have posted 5 discussions already.It is not that I am paid to advertise blogcatalog. It is just that I love it.I even become addicted to it. It's like every night I go to an internet cafe because I don't have an internet connection in our boarding house. I like discussions in a form of writing.
Someone told me that it was nonsense. I told her that it wasn't. Friendster is nonsense than blogging because in blogging you can enhance your writing skills and your thinking. Because YOU THINK everytime you join in a discussion.You can enhance your brain.
Joining blogcatalog is not my excuse because I was rejected. I willingly offered myself in BC.

I can't talk the usual way I do in front of other people but I can communicate with them through writing. I am not a good writer but I think I am better in writing than verbal way of expressing my thoughts. That is one of my weaknesses. I'm not a good talker.

Math,Oh math

Some people say that Math is the simplest subject because the equations are not changing.

But for me, it is a different story. I don't remember if I hated math ever since I started schooling. But as far as I can remember, I have never liked it. Math sucks. I have a disturbing feeling just by hearing that word. I don't perform good in math. I am afraid of it. I can't deny the fact that I am not a MATH PERSON.

But....

It's because I'm not good at it doesn't mean I don't know the basics.

Look at the picture?

What is this equation?

MY GOD! Is this a part of an alien invasion? This looks so unfamiliar to me.

Can I just have a Physical Education class instead?

Note: Got this pic on the net.

No thanks...

Men who have muscles really have an advantage to others who don't have. It is better because it adds point so that women will like them. Plus it is better to look at when you have a good figure.

But...

Having this body?

No thanks! Can I choose the belt instead? I would rather have a man who have a flat stomach than this.

Note: I don't mean to insult the person in the picture. This is just my own view.
I got this on the internet again.

Fear...

I am 20 years old already and I'm not getting younger. But inspite of becoming a young adult,I still cannot consider myself as one. I admit that my level of maturity isn't that of an ideal 20-year-old person. I act like a child. I don't think as much as an adult would think.I cannot deny that I am still immature. I am still a student. As for now, I only think about going to class even without listening to my teachers sometimes, watch movies and anime and going to the mall sometimes.I am still inside the box where the real life scenario happens outside of it.There was a time in my life that I tried to imagine what my future will be and what I will become. I try to question myself about some things like "Can I find a job easily after I graduate? I am becoming old. I can't live alone. How can I apply? How can I manage my life on my own"? There are so many questions in my mind which I have a hard time formulating them. I just cannot give answers easily because I still have to consider the possibilities that might happen. As I think about it, fear strikes me. What if I can't do it? What if I can't find a nice job?Well, having a work is what comes to my mind first after I graduate.I guess most of us think about it.

I'm really afraid to grow up. It's not that I don't want to mature. I just think that being in the real world is so scary. And I think I am not yet prepared for that matter. However, sooner or later I will open that door even if I don't like it. Being an adult doesn't give me another choice.

Cats

Cat... Why do some people afraid or even hate cats? Look at this one... Isn't it so adorable......and so innocent....

I remember a friend everytime I see a cat. Not because she looks likes it or something like that. It is just that she is scared of cats. Just by telling her something like "There's a cat!", she will suddenly get nervous.I and my other friends asked her before why she hates cats? She doesn't even know why? Sometimes I want to tease or even scare her because I want to see her reaction. Even if I know how she reacts I still want to do it. But most of the time I don't because she might get mad at me and I don't want that. I think whatever she does, She can never learn to like cats. Even if I try to convince her, it would be impossible.

Don't worry too much!

Disclaimer: I don't own this picture.

Oh REALLY! My mother who is a PSYCHIATRIST told me that YOU ARE INSANE!and I am NORMAL!

DON'T WORRY too much about your problem because there are OTHER PEOPLE who are problematic more than you are.... There are others out there who are suffering from serious problems. Yours is such a very tiny thing compared to their problems. If you can't stop from worrying... JUST CHEER UP A LITTE.. It will do..

Note: My mother is not a Psychiatrist. It just a symbol and a way to make a point. By the way, my younger sister is taking BS in Psychology.

You still have hope!

Sometimes we feel like everything turns upside down... WE think everything is out of our own grasp... We tend to give up.... BUT THAT'S NOT ALWAYS THE CASE....
Even if we think it's hopeless... JUST DON'T EASILY GIVE UP..

It's never too late.....

Disclaimer: I only got this on the internet.

Silence please...

Why is it sometimes we tend to be silent and follow what other people will tell us to do?

Arguments are difficult to handle most of the time. Sometimes the little thing becomes complicated and it is too much to handle already. We want to fight back. We want to talk back and say "STOP!' But no matter what we do, still it is useless. We are sick and tired of defending ourselves to the people who won't listen to us, that is why we follow whatever they say just to bring back the peaceful atmosphere we are living at. Too much talking is so annoying. In order to stop those people who talk a lot, we tend to shut up and say "ok", even if they are the ones who must zip their mouth.

Anime Bleach

BLEACH.... What is the interesting part of this anime?

Having so many mysteries is what interests me a lot.
Knowing some of the answers of these mysteries makes me alive and happy.

What really happened in the past?

Who were the leaders

A face so innocent....

What is he hiding behind his sleeves? How great his power is?

Disclaimer: I got these pictures in onemanga.com

I'm just curious

I have no idea how lovers think. I am just curious why they act weird. I know of someone who is disappointed with her boyfriend. She is angry because her boyfriend doesn't include her in his own future plans. Are lovers really talk about their lives in the future, when will they get married or even the names of their children are being discussed? Is it necessary for them to build future plans together? What if the other one has his/her own dreams. Will he/she give up his/her own desires just to follow what we think the lovers should do?

Thank God

I just got my grades yesterday and I was really nervous and scared . I had this subject (finman) which I have had difficulty with. I couldn't think properly since I was disturbed. Questions like "What if I failed? How can I tell my parents about this thing now that they have so many things to think about?" really bothered me. I was really happy as I saw my grades since I don't have to take finman again because I passed. Thank God I made it.

Thank God I, Kristine, Reich and Pipan have no failing grades. Well, Congratulations to us.

We still have a subject that is still ongoing. I hope we will all pass SAD.

At last

Finally, my burden had disappeared. The visitors went home already. I'm not saying that I don't like them to visit our place. It's just that I am pressured. We have to really clean the whole place. At last, it's over.

I did not really mingle with them because my ate wanted me to accompany her to the dermatologist and to the mall so I accompanied her all day long. We went to the mall first. My ate bought a t-shirt. I was serious when I asked her to buy me a pair of pants but I did not expect that she will buy me one. I am really happy because it suits me and I like it. I even told my cousins that my ate bought me a pair of jeans. My sister told me that it wasn't her money. It was my mom's money. So I am also thankful to my mom.

We went to the dermatologist and we waited there for how many hours. That's the problem. You have to really wait until your name is called. My ate was the 11th patient. My back was aching already and I was sleepy.

CLAYMORE, one of my favorite anime

Disclaimer: I don't own these pictures. I got all of these through searching the net. I just want people to know how fantastic CLAYMORE is.

This is Teresa of the faint smile, my no. 1 idol in the anime "claymore". She is so cool that's why she's one of my favorites. Can you see her eyes? isn't it amazing? Indeed, it is. Teresa is the best.

Teresa used to show no mercy to anyone. She is also loyal to the organization. Teresa used to follow all the rules but she changed when she met Claire.

Teresa learned to smile.


and cry.

This anime is really one of the best. So people out there, I want you to watch CLAYMORE. This will not be a waste of time. I promise.

general cleaning

Honestly, I haven't experienced cleaning our house so much. I used to wipe dusty areas but it wasn't thoroughly cleaned up. I, my sister jill, my cousins cara and carol, and riza started cleaning just yesterday and guess what? We only cleaned up the kitchen and we took half day. Can u imagine that? Well, unfortunately, I don't want to say this but our house is really a mess. Yeah, right. It is like a huge box full of unnecessary things. We have so many things that are useless. They are stucked up in our house. My family has this habit of keeping things and it turns out to be a garbage.

Honestly, I wan't to clean the house not because I want to but because of a reason. We just knew yesterday that we'll have a visitor this saturday. So we have no choice but to clean the house. Tomorrow is friday. We have only one day left and I'm kinda pressured because we haven't cleaned even half of our house. Well, wish us luck people.

I want to thank jill, cara, carol, and riza for helping me. Jopet will also help me tomorrow. Tomorrow will be an exhausting day so God Bless to us.

I have a confession to make. I did not help them clean the house today because I was pissed off. My mama woke me up about 5:46 in the morning, Can you imagine that? I was mad because it was too early to wake up. She asked me to wash the curtains and the covers of pillows so I washed it together with my mama. I was really pissed off. After that, I slept like whole day so I did not help them clean the house today But I will really work hard tomorrow.

defense

Oh my GOD! Tomorrow is our defense in SAD. I am really nervous. I'm confident with our system since Randy made it. He's really good at it. (A million thanks to you Ran...).

I still don't know what to put in our powerpoint. I haven't prepared yet. Oh my GOD! What would be the result? I hope it's ok. God...Please help us....Thanks.

recitation

I thought our recitation in finman was about the discussed chapters that we had but I was wrong. Our teacher made us tackle our project. I was nervous because I wasn't confident with our project. I was not a good defender. I never did become a good defender. I thought I would screw up but thank God I did not. Randy, one of my two groupmates was so funny. When pen. the one who asked us about our project made a mistake (about merch. invty. beg.) and apologized, randy said "sorry accepted". He made our teacher laugh. Actually he made us all laugh. And I love it because our teacher was in the mood. It turned out good and I thank God for that.

finman...finman

Finman Finman Finman.....Oh....Finman.... finman..finman..finman.....how are you? me? I'm not fine...thanks to you..... I tried.... I know it's my fault...I started late that's why I have gone crazy. I waisted so many papers and I ran out of ink. My mind was not functioning well. I slept early...Yeah...early in the morning... I remember my sister jill once asked me "How do I know that enough is enough?" I answered her. "Enough is enough when you are contented with whatever you do." If you're not asking anything anymore, that's enough. But, Now..I'm not contented but all I can say is ENOUGH.

afraid

I am really scared. I and my groupmates haven't finished our finman project yet. Our defense in SAD is next next week. I don't know if the documents I have made are right. I have so many things to think about and it bothers me so much. I am afraid. My grade in finman is low. I'm afraid to fail. God..please help me.

DespiteOf

Although nova, my niece is not really a good teacher since she is scolding me everytime I ask her about accounting, I am still fortunate to have such a roomate. I can ask her anytime. Not really anytime because I can't ask her if she's sleeping or taking a bath. What I meant is that I have an access. I can talk to her easily since we are in the same roof and in the same room.

"I don't know", I think that's her favorite statement everytime I ask favors. It's not that she's not answering my questions.I think that is her favorite line.

I like teasing her because she gets mad at me but I know that she's not really mad at me. But sometimes I stop teasing her because I'm afraid especially if her face and the tone of her voice are really serious. And then she gets mad at me again and I tease her again. I like calling her "autistic". It's not because she's autistic. It just suits her.hehehe.

She studies a lot like Jill. They always study. In terms of studies, Jill and Nova are alike. I am really the opposite.

We (I, Jill, Nova) have different attitudes and they are annoying most of the time. Jill is so committed with her course and it's kinda sucks. The way she view things. It is about pyschology and it is annoying sometimes. She even told me that I am a candidate for MR (Mentally Retarded) person. I am not mad because of that but I'm not saying that I am a mentally retarded person.OF COURSE I'M NOT.hehehehe.It just sucks when she includes psychology in our conversation. I don't hate psychology. I love it. But Jill is like she's confident to say that that person has this disorder or that person is a psycho.

Nova... this person is "I don't know".hehehe. She's good in accounting but she can't teach well. She doesn't know how to teach. Do you understand me? She's good but teaching is not really the thing for her.

Here comes my part.hehehe. I am so immature. I know. i admit. I am annoying. I know. I admit. I have this hobby of hurting other people. It's not that i am a sadist. It's just that i make jokes and i pretend to punch someone and i hit him/her. I don't mean that most of the time. But sometimes I really mean it.hehehe... I think i am hard to understand.hehehe... I can hardly follow instructions and it maybe annoys them.hehehe.

Despite of having differences.. I still enjoy our company. We argue. We talk so loud in our room. We are like cats and dogs most of the time. It is annoying most of the time...but I still enjoy the moments when we argue.hehehe

A million thanks

Feb.25,2008- This is the day when Shey taught me about my finman project. Honestly, I felt so sad because i'm not good at this field. Making financial statements is not my type. That's why I'm so thankful because someone helped me. I want to thank God for sending an angel to help me about my problem. She really made an effort to teach me. Thank you.Thank you.Thank you Shey. I don't know if I can use what she did because I might redo it due to changes in the project. But I am still greatful. I somehow felt that I am blessed. A million thanks to the Lord and to Shey.

confused

I just don't understand what I am doing. I tried but I only end up being confused everytime I try to answer it. We have this project in finman that we have to pass maybe this week. I and my groupmates haven't started yet. Yes.I am pressured. I have resources already. I know what are the requirements but I don't know how to make it. I really tried but I guess my intelligence in that field is really low. I am really confused, pressured and worried. How can I make this thing? Tell me.. In case you can help me with my problem.

why

Why is it people don't recognize my effort? I know I am not like them. I know they are better than me. I am also trying my best like them. It is just sad to know that whatever I do, people won't appreciate my little effort. I know I'm not good at it..but I am not that dumb.. People make me feel so dumb and it's depressing. I know they have more sleepless nights than me... But I also have those nights.. I am trying my best like what they're doing... but I guess my best is not as good as theirs...

School Life

I am not the type of a person who is really serious about my studies. I am not a geek. I don’t read a lot. I mean, I don’t like to read. It makes me sleepy just by looking at the cover of my Math books. Just like what my Auntie told us “Reading books in school is the best sleeping pill in the world.” I don’t know why I can’t study like the way my sister and my niece study. They are so serious. They always read their books. And guess what I’m doing? I go to my bed and sleep. I watch anime if no one is using the computer. I am too lazy to study. I know I am not really committed with my studies but it doesn’t mean I am ignoring it. God knows that I do not want to fail for the second time. HE knows that even if I act this way I still value my studies.
I thought school is very boring. I am doing the same things. I go to school, I go to my classes, and pretending that I am listening to the teachers. I really get tired when the teachers make their discussions. It makes me so sleepy. It is totally boring but when I extend my world into something else then that would be the time I find school really interesting. I’m not a part of an anti-cheating club because I am a cheater. Even though I became a cheater when I was still in elementary I am still scared to do that but that fear did not hinder me to leave cheating alone. I know it is bad but as a student like me, it’s really helpful. The most interesting part is when I look at the teacher’s face and when the teacher is not looking at me I will take the opportunity to look at my seatmate’s paper. If I don’t understand my seatmate’s hand writing I will ask him/her and then we both laugh because we almost got caught. It is funny because I am not the only one doing it, sometimes I and my classmates join forces and make some ways just for us to copy answers. I experience throwing some papers and making kodigos but it was in high school. The most frequent strategy I use is by asking my classmates’ answers. I also experience getting the paper of my seatmate. When I cheat I feel scared and my heart beats so fast but I am happy because the excitement is there, it comes during the process of cheating I am happy because my classmates are not greedy. We help each other to survive and I am thankful for that.
Sometimes we cheat because we are too lazy to study. But we cheat most of the time because the lessons are too difficult to handle. Well the teachers can’t blame us because they are the ones who make difficult questions during exams.
I am a cheater but I don't cheat all the time. I also give myself a time to study. I also know that cheating is not the only solution to my problems.
I am not really bad but I really get so excited when I hear some rumors. I like gossiping because, first of all I can gather some information, and second of all it makes me so alive even though I’m tired and sleepy. I like it when I and my friends meet just to discuss about rumors. The best part is when I hear some shocking revelations that I never expected. I am not saying that the only thing we do is discuss about it. I and my friends also talk about other things like anime and anime and anime. We’re not talking about boys. It is not our interest. Well, it’s not what you think it is. Of course we like boys but I think we are really so immature not to talk about them because the only things we think about are anime, rumors and studies. Yes, you hear it right I also think about my studies.
I am the type of person who doesn’t belong to many groups of friends I have other friends but I only belong to one group. I don’t actually extend my relationship with other people. I am not closed to all my classmates but as the time goes by I can somehow talk to some of them unlike before. I hate grouping especially if I don’t like my group mates but I’m still thankful because with this I can communicate to others.
There are so many things I experience in school, so many that even though the lessons are torturing me I tend to ignore them because of the other things that makes my school life really interesting.

I'm really problematic right now

I tried to install vb.net in our computer for how many times since last night and I always failed. I just don't understand why it won't work. Well in fact, I already installed it before. But the problem is that I reformatted my pc because of the damn virus. And now.. I am suffering.. We have to make our system work 60% on monday. What is the day today? It's thursday. OH MY GOD! How can I do it.. I can't even install vb.net. What am i supposed to do now? I am totally problematic right now. I can't think well. Plus, I don't have an internet connection so I have to go the internet cafe every night. Can you imagine how painful it is to look at your wallet and see how much money is left? It hurts..really. I am really really worried about our project. Just thinking about it... It hurts my head so much that I want to bump it on the wall as hard as I can. This week really sucks!

Ruled over me

Childless attitude dwells inside my soul. It was carved in my mind. It lives in my heart. Wounds may infect my helpless heart until my breath will fade away but nothing can harm the thing inside me. It is carefuly hidden where no one can find it. It came in purpose. I have welcomed it. I let my guard down and it intentionally invaded the world that I created. I got defeated. A master became a servant in her own kingdom. I kneeled down for the first time.